Money may not be the root of all evil, but for many couples it is the root of many arguments. Disagreements over personal finance are among the most common in relationships, so it is only natural that couples might want to postpone that conversation to not risk a brouhaha.
A 2009 study, “Bank on It, thrifty Couples are the Happiest” found that money squabbles rank with infidelity and drug abuse as a primary reason for divorce. Most arguments over personal finance can be traced to conflicting attitudes and philosophies about money, according to Bethany and Scott Palmer, authors of Cents and Sensibilty. The Palmers have identified six money personalities. Which one are you:
1. A debtor—someone comfortable using credit
2. Flyer—someone who doesn’t concern themselves with finances
3. Risk-taker—having an aggressive risk-tolerance for growing wealth
4. Saver
5. Security-Seeker--having a conservative risk tolerance
6. Spender
Conflicting attitudes about money set the stage for money disagreements that can sorely test any relationship or marriage. That’s why experts strongly urge couples to at least acknowledge to each other what type of money personality they are in the hopes of establishing some kind of common ground so they can begin the rest of their lives together on more solid footing.
These traits are an indication of what kind of disagreements over money are in store. Spenders vs.savers is an epic ongoing battle. At first glance, savers wear the mantle of responsibility, while spenders might be seen as reckless. But there are two sides to every debate, and spenders might argue that there is nothing wrong with responsibly enjoying the fruits of one’s labors, and that their partner is being needlessly tight-fisted.
What are the most common battles couples have about money? The Waterloo of many a relationship occurs when one (or both) partners are not fully forthcoming about how much money they make or how much debt they owe. Perhaps they have kept secret that major purchase.
Common money mistakes that can lead to arguments include not establishing a family budget to track saving and spending, not having a will (a conversation couples look forward to even less than talking about money) and simply letting family finances slide (not balancing the checkbook, etc.)
Experts advise that communication and compromise are constructive strategies that give couples a better chance of spending their lives together rather than apart.
