6) A Knight's Tale - "Golden Years"

This could be one of my favorite movies ever, and is a Sunday afternoon staple on many a television station. With that being said, the dance scene in this movie definitely has the highest "So bad it's great" rating of the entire Top 7. How on earth a 2-step explanation of the moves from Gelderland turns into a complex 2-minute dance is beyond me. The mind-boggling part about this scene has to be at the 2:10 mark, where somehow the music of David Bowie makes its way into the picture. I was under the impression that this film was supposed to transport us back to the 17th century, where squires and sires alike drank beer out of oddly-shaped flagons and aggressively vilified female blacksmiths. Instead, I am being cajoled into thinking that somehow "Golden Years" by David Bowie would be playing during a formal 17th century dinner party in a castle. Do I understand why the producers felt this would make sense? Absolutely not. Does that add to why this scene made the list? Absolutely.

5) She's All That - "Prom Night"

God I love this scene. The fact that the student body has somehow managed to get this entire dance memorized and perfected is beyond comprehension; only to be one-upped by the fact that we have Usher Raymond as the smooth-talking high school DJ. On the whole though, this movie ranks unfortunately high on the suck-ass-o-meter; right up there with Joe vs. The Volcano and Gigli.

4) Encino Man - "Do the Encino Man"

This one, I just don't get. Some sort of "make it look like you are riding a skateboard and then hop on over to your other foot" dance? So why did it make the list? Because quite simply, it's ridiculous. Not that the whole concept of a couple teenagers unfreezing a 2000 year-old caveman and transforming him into the prom king isn't crazy enough, they have to end the story with this dance? I must commend the directors on this decision, as it was what propelled this storied tale of tomfoolery into the Top 6. Although I do have to admit, I hate the ending. There is no way that Rudy Ruettiger gets to suck face with the hot blonde and that dude Matt is completely out of the picture. I hate it when the cool guy doesn't triumph in the end.

3) Ferris Bueller's Day Off - "Twist and Shout" (stair dancing at 41 seconds)

Now, I may be a little bit biased here because of the fact that this scene was filmed about 3 blocks away from where I live; but I don't think anyone can debate how legendary this scene is in American cinematic history. The greatest part about this entire sequence is how many different choreographed dance moves are going on at once: The band, the Swedish milk maidens on the float, the random people in the street…..all of them dancing together to the soothing sounds of a leopard-vested Ferris Bueller. And then we get to the :41 second mark and see the complete absurdity that is the harmonious stair dancing. Is it just me, or does this part seem completely out of place? I can picture the band dancing together, I can picture the vixens on the float dancing together, but for some reason I just can't seem to grasp the reasoning behind a random group of people doing a choreographed dance on a stairway; and that just makes this even more amazing (best move by the stair dancers has to be the arm-extended thumbs-up head nod at the 1:13 mark; f***ing hysterical).

2) Teen Wolf - "The Wolf Dance"

The outfit, the synchronous clapping by all his classmates during the solo entrance into the dance, the entire gym chanting "Wolf" before he causally paws at Boof's hand in an effort to coax her into shaking the bones; everything about this scene is just great. I could have used a little bit more of Stiles, but that's just me. Although every time I watch this scene I still get a little uncomfortable with how awkward the "clawing at air" dance move is. (:54 mark) And speaking of Teen Wolf, I still can’t get over the heroic effort from Texas Tech’s Mike Singletary during their victory over Texas A&M in the first round of the Big XII tournament last week. 43 points in the game is an incredible feat in and of itself, but where did 29 of those points come from? That is not a misprint; Mike Singletary scored 29 straight points in the second half. 29 straight points. Up until now, I thought that a tour de force like this could only be accomplished by a certain MJ Fox under the glow of a full moon. Boy was I wrong. Is it a coincidence that he shares the name with one of the greatest linebackers and most beloved Chicago athletes of all time?

1) Can't Buy Me Love - "African Anteater Ritual"

Hands down, no questions asked, the best (and most ridiculous) group dance scene of all time. Ronald Miller, former astrology geek turned Fred Astaire; all due to the wonderment that is the African Anteater Ritual. There are almost too many good parts to point out, but I still must try.

1) The nerds not being allowed to mingle, strictly due to the fact that they're nerds. "Nerd Herd" makes me laugh every time I hear it.

2) The nerds actually knowing that Ronnie is doing the African Anteater Ritual.

3) Seeing Rube Baker in that outrageous pink sweater ineptly trying to duplicate the dance moves of the Ronster.

4) The outfits of all the women at that dance, especially the one girl who was dressed in all white.

God, I love the 80's.

In other news, it has come to my attention that fashionable immigrant David Beckham will be staying overseas to continue playing with AC Milan, instead of coming back stateside to start the Major League soccer season with the LA Galaxy. Just another example of why, in the "which dude's life do I wish I had" contest, he still ranks very far below Tom Brady and Justin Timberlake. God, I hate soccer.

Jay Bilas, ESPN analyst and noted abuser of using terrible catchphrases, once again managed to one-up himself in awfulness this weekend. Yes, I agree that the Syracuse 6-overtime victory over UConn last week was amazing; and it could very easily go down as the most memorable conference tournament game ever (especially considering the fact that somehow 8 players fouled out in the game). But after hearing Bilas use the word "courageous" for the 79th time to describe the effort by the Orange, I wanted to vomit. Ease up on the words normally saved for Successories poster's Jay, it will give you a lot more announcer street cred if you do.

Should have my NCAA tournament preview column up and running by Thursday afternoon. Until the next time, Blue Horseshoe loves Anacot Steel.

-Randy

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