That queasy feeling you get because you don't know whether or not she has found someone new, and despite telling her that you hope she's happy, deep down you hope she has contracted crabs and is dating some fat mongoloid that looks like Carrot Top. This is the emotion I have been feeling for the past week while trying to come up with an appropriate topic for this week's column.

You see, I feel that balancing out my weekly ramblings between a political matter and an obscure topic is the perfect way to even myself out. This feeling of uncertainty has been dominating my senses because I wanted to find an interesting obscure topic to write about. At the same time, I wanted to pen a two thousand-word column on GM's bankruptcy and how it should have been handled by the government. So it was wonderful last week to run into a column from the website "In Game Now," that ranked the top ten fictional athletes of all time and gave me a great theme to write about. Here is their list.

10) Lucy Draper (Kathy Ireland), Necessary Roughnesss.

9) Shooter McGavin, Happy Gilmore

8) Paul Crewe (Burth Reynolds), The Longest Yard

7) Michael Jordan (as himself) Space Jam

6) Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn (Charlie Sheen), Major League

5) Ivan Drago, Rocky IV

4) Kenny Powers (Danny McBride), Eastbound & Down

3) Sam Malone (Ted Danson), Cheers

2) Steve Lattimer, The Program

1) Al Bundy, Cheers

As you can clearly see, this list is awful. With the exception of Ricky Vaughn and Steve Lattimer, none of these people should even be discussed as a top ten fictional athlete. Now, as we go through my list please keep in mind that these are fictional athletes from television and film only; there are no video game athletes, comic book athletes, etc.

10) Jimmy Chitwood (Maris Valainis), Hoosiers - "I play, coach stays. He goes, I go." Number 15 in a Hickory jersey, number 1 in our hearts. Not only did Jimmy Chitwood have one of the best pure shots in the history of fictional athletes (second only to Ray Allen as Jesus Shuttlesworth in "He Got Game"), but his humble personality made him an incredibly likeable character. Not to mention the fact that if you watch the last game against South Bend Central, I'm pretty sure he scores at least 36 of the team's 42 points.

9) Gary Bertier (Ryan Hurst), Remember the Titans - "Coach, I'm hurt. I'm not dead." You can't have a conversation regarding sports movies and not include someone from Remember the Titans. Some folks are bigger fans of Julius, The Rev, or Ronnie Bass; but in my mind nobody comes close to Gary Bertier. The guy was an absolute animal on the field, and the team would not have come together the way they did if it wasn't for his interaction with Julius at training camp. Interesting side note: the real life Gary Bertier actually played in the state championship game, and was not paralyzed until after the playoffs were over and the title was won. Interesting cast note: Coach Yoast's daughter in the movie was played by a young Hayden Panettiere.

8) Scott Howard (Michael J. Fox), Teen Wolf - "There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese." I had to put Scott Howard on here…….although I am not sure what is less believable: the simple fact that he was a werewolf, or the fact that this movie portrayed werewolves as having unusually strong skills on the basketball court. Honestly though, the main reason that MJF's character got into my top ten was because of his boy, Stylez. Plain and simple, Stylez was absolutely legit. The guy walked around school with a shirt that said "Wolf Buddy," and he surfed on top of cars. (Although that shirt pales in comparison to the one he wears in the movie that simply says, "What are you looking at dicknose?") Interesting side note: Tampa Bay Buccaneers defensive end Greg White officially changed his name to Stylez G. White on December 15, 2008; because of the character from Teen Wolf. True story.

7) Roy McAvoy (Kevin Costner), Tin Cup - "It's a lock! I hit my 7-iron like John Daly hits the 3." The best ball striker in the history of fictional golf cinema. Better than Ty Webb in Caddyshack, better than Matt Damon in The Legend of Bagger Vance, and better than Shooter McGavin in Happy Gilmore. Who could forget the infamous 12 on the 18th hole? Although it still upsets me when I watch it, because no green could have that severe of a slope. The ball landed 2 feet from the hole and rolled into the water hazard at about 30 miles an hour. Ridiculous side note: This scene at the end of the movie where Kevin Costner hits the shot into the water hazard again and again was based on an actual event. Gary McCord, the commentator with the handlebar mustache in the movie is an actual commentator and former pro. In a tournament he had a similar shot to Costner's. He needed a birdie to win and went for it. He shot over and over again and finally got it in 15 strokes.

6) Adam Banks (Vincent Larusso), The Mighty Ducks - "Do me a favor. Kick some Hawk butt." Banksy. Cake Eater. Call him what you will, the starting Center for the Disctrict 6 Mighty Ducks was and still is the best hockey player under age 18 in any movie ever made (over 18: Rob Lowe as Dean Youngblood in the aptly titled film, Youngblood). A dominating force on the ice, Banksy went on to lead the Ducks to victory as part Team USA in the Junior Goodwill Games, and also started on the Varsity hockey team at the prestigious Eden Hall Academy in the 3rd installment of the series. Interesting side note: Bill Murray almost played the Emilio Estevez role of Gordon Bombay, but was deemed too old.

The top 5 spots will be revealed next week. In the meantime, here are 5 random questions I want you to ask yourself and answer today:

1) If James Cameron decided to make a movie about your life, who would play you, and who would play your love interest?

2) During the movie you have a training montage……what song is playing in the background while this is going on?

3) Money aside, if you were a world class athlete and could make your living playing one of the big 4 professional sports (baseball, basketball, football, hockey), what would it be and who is the first person that comes to mind that you'd want as a teammate?

4) If you could travel back in time and go to one live sporting event that occurred in the last century, what would it be? 5) What is the one movie in your personal collection that you can watch every single week and not get sick off?

My answers:

1) My character would be played by Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively would play my love interest.

2) Depends on the time of year……if it's a summer training montage, Ace of Base "Cruel Summer" would be playing. If it's a winter training montage, there is no doubt that N'Sync "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" would be the song of choice.

3) Baseball - Jeter would be my first choice, David Wright a close second

4) Easy - February 22nd, 1980. USA-4 USSR-3

5) Hard - That is a toss up between Mean Girls and American Pie 2. If you are bored at work and want to shoot me an email insulting my Fictional Athlete list, by all means please do so.

Blue Horseshoe loves Anacot Steel.

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