1) I am sick and tired of hearing about Michelle Obama and her "fabulous" arms. If I have to look at one more picture of her on the cover of a gossip magazine with the headline, "You too can have Michelle Obama's ripped arms," I am going to vomit. If I want a bodybuilder in the White House, there is a certain Austrian Governor on the West Coast I'll start campaigning for. What do you think the bloody Russians would have to say when they are negotiating nuclear weapons legislation and crude oil distribution contracts with a guy who can squat 850 and power clean three bills.

2) As everyone knows by now, Air Force One flew over Manhattan a couple of weeks ago for a photo opportunity. Hundreds of workers in the downtown area fled their offices and homes in fear that 9/11 was repeating itself, and I can only imagine how terrified many New Yorkers were as this was happening. President Obama's response when asked why this happened? "It was a mistake, It will not happen again." Really? What exactly won't happen again? You promise to not scare the living hell out of every person in New York City? You promise not to spend $328,835 for a pretty little picture? Yes, the cost for President Obama's most recent deplorable expense was, and let me put it in bold so you realize it is not a misprint, $328,835! Unfortunately, as with all of the nonsensical stuff that this administration has pumped into the veins of our country, the apolitical American public will never know about this.

 3) In other shocking political news, it was announced on April 29th that Arlen Specter, a Republican senator from Pennsylvania, will be leaving the GOP and running for reelection in 2010 as a Democrat. I appreciate his bluntness in admitting straight up that he did not believe he could win reelection in PA as a Republican next year, but loathe the fact that he is trying to say he will not change the way he votes on certain political issues. This move is even more painful to conservatives as we realize that were he to win reelection as a Democrat, coupled with the unfortunate prognosis that the Minnesota Supreme Court will name Al Franken the winner of that state's much-disputed Senate race; would almost certainly mean the Democrats would be in control of a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate chambers. Neither party has controlled 60 or more seats since 1978, and if this comes to fruition next year, it will no doubt result in President Obama assuming almost complete free reign of the federal government. What will this result in? The obvious expansion of a pro-socialist, anti free market economy and the continued destruction of private wealth all across the board. All I know is that this modern day Benedict Arnold will one day rue his decision to switch parties, because in 2012 the Romney/Palin/Pawlenty/Cantor-led GOP is going to stage the greatest comeback since Jesus. (I used to include Bobby Jindahl in that list, but in good conscience can no longer do so. His State of the Union rebuttal was one of the worst political performances I have ever witnessed. He might have said "Americans can do anything" 70 times.)

4) When summer rolls around in Chicago, as it seems to finally have done, there is no other place in the world that I would rather be. Beer gardens reopen their doors, women reopen their wardrobe to sundresses and white pants, and the beaches reopen their shores to thousands of eager Chicagoans. Unfortunately, this is also the time of year that makes me cringe; because I know that a certain women's fashion item is going to be dug out of the back of closets from Hyde Park to Wrigleyville. And that awful, god forsaken item, is bug-eyed sunglasses (BES). Now, most people trace the origins of BES to the sun-soaked shores of Southern California, and in-particular, Orange County. A number of years ago, the television show "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County" premiered on MTV, and turned grown men and women all across the land into teenie boppers. It was on that particular show, in which it seemed every single female who would regularly appear, did so with a face that donned BES.

A gaggle of eager women saw this trend, thought it was fashionable, and dove into the abyss of awfulness that was a mass transition to wearing BES. Why, you ask, am I so against this trend? For two reasons; the first of which is the fact that they are just plain unattractive. Some of the newer models seem to cover up half of a woman's face, and make her resemble a new age Baxter Stockman, of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fame. Anytime a comparison is made saying that a certain fashion item makes you look like a fictional humanoid-fly creature that transcends ugliness, it's not a good thing. But more important than the sheer ugliness of BES, is the fact that they are culprit of sneakiness heretofore never seen in American history…….they can make an unattractive girl look attractive. Due to the size and nature of the product (and the fact that they can hide many an ugly facial feature), they have the ability to transform your average female specimen into Level 9 eye candy in a snap. And guess what, I don't think that's fair.

If I am having a drink at one of my neighborhood beer gardens, and I see you over there looking great in a yellow sundress (but wearing BES), chances are I am going to come by and say hello; or possibly offer to buy you a drink. Hypothetically, let's say we go ahead with the drink purchase. You then proceed to take off your sunglasses, and I realize that I have made a serious faux pas; because you are in fact not at all attractive. Seeing as a certain level of attractiveness is required if I am going to put in the time and effort to make a pass at a young woman, what I am supposed to do now? What is the proper protocol? Do I say "I'm sorry, but you are not my type. Please put your sunglasses back on, and fork over $6.50 for that Sloe Gin Fizz I ordered you." Am I able to just cut off the conversation and leave the table without muttering so much as a "see you later." Seriously, what are my options in this situation. Am I required to put in a 15-20 minute conversation with this woman, or at least enough talk time for her to finish the drink? Is it my duty as a respectful man to ask for a phone number, even though I never plan on calling; or is that a step that women prefer I don't take? If I do leave without asking for her number, do I have to make up an excuse so the woman will think that something else was on my mind, and I must have just forgot to ask for digits? "Please forgive me, but I need to go and ..check Ebay to see if I won that autographed picture of Heidi & Spencer." If there is anyone out there who has an idea of how to stop the trend of BES, please do reach out and let me know.

Blue Horseshoe loves Anacot Steel.

-Randy

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